Liverpool United

Two things amuse me about this post by Bob Piper. Firstly, its the other-worldliness of the comments. I haven’t stopped laughing since I read them. Secondly, its that the campaign people in all the political parties probably didn’t pick it up. To them its just another peer of the realm proving they’re out of touch. To footy fans, its excrutiating, funny, unbelievable, painful, hilarious and just down right ridiculous.

I live in fear of these moments. Right now, I wouldn’t have a clue what is number one. I’ve not watched a soap for weeks (although Mrs Watson keeps me posted). I can just about tell you the price of a pint of milk and loaf of bread. I know who is in the FA cup final but didn’t watch any of the semi-final games and wouldn’t know who scored the goals. These are your dreaded “five-live” moments.

Michal Howard – cardboard cut out

Yesterday, I went out in the High Street with a life size cardboard cut-out of Michael Howard. The results were interesting – mainly comic,sometimes disturbing but mostly, for a Labour candidate at least, very reassuring.

Most people had no idea who the cut-out was supposed to be. One person asked if it was me before I had put on weight! Another man, with tattoos on his face, pointed at me aggressively and said “I’m not voting for you and I’m not voting for him. You let the immigrants in and he is one!” I don’t mind admitting I was lost for words on that one. A couple of kids said he looked creepy. A number of people remembered that he was the Conservative bloke who brought in the poll tax. The juggler who was entertaining shoppers said he wasn’t likely to vote, but if he did, it definitely wouldn’t be for Howard. Lots of people said we couldn’t afford to let “him” or “them” back in. For the two hours we were there, not one person said that they were voting Conservative. All in all, Mr Howard was a hit. I think I’ll keep him for the campaign.

Ed Matts nostalgia tour

Remember Ed Matts? He’s the Tory candidate running against Jim Knight in Dorset South. He’s done a Letwin and has been missing in action since his unfortunate difficulty. How he must hark back to a bygone age. An age when a nostalgia tour wasn’t a metaphor for your political career. How he must wish that he had kept to the policy he adhered to in 2000. The one where he thought asylum seekers in the vicinity would lead to aggressive begging. Those were the days. The days when you could complain about your opponents using photographs without permission.